sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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