Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
