You're so nebulous sometimes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
