I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
