you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
