SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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