he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
