My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
