Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
