They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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