3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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