either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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