We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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