On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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