I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize