So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
