It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
