I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
