you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
