I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
