Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
