you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
