I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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