Just cropdusted the office
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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