"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
