WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
