Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
