No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
