fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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