If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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