you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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