There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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