So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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