How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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