Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
