and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
