So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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