we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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