drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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