i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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