I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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