where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
