no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
