I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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