Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
