Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
