rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
