Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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