The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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