The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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