Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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