Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
