he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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