i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My penis needs a shock collar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
