my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
