an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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