Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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