whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
