M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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