Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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