if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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