I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
