You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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