Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize