No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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