Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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