the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no, he came in my armpit
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize